Over the month of September all the way until mid October, I was in the belief that I would be going abroad next semester. At first, I was planning on going to Germany through another company, but the price was very high and the classes weren’t fitting within my majors. So I turned to the school exchanges again. I picked out a program in Finland that I was told would construct a program for me, but I didn’t know it was only for creative arts students. So I am not going to Finland either.
Needless to say, this bums me out a ton. I’ve been wanting to do a study abroad for years in some way, but now when it was closest to happening, it fails. I was told by many people that my programs aren’t that popular for foreign exchanges (psychology and family studies), which again lead me to question my choices. I want to go abroad, but my own ambitions are getting in the way of each other. It sucks to be honest. The past year has been marred for me because I have been struggling with identity issues and issues of what I want to do with my life. I’ve been feeling like I’m not interesting and I don’t have anything unique going for me. I’m going into a field that other countries don’t seem to value as highly and even in America it’s not seen as a man’s job. It doesn’t make much money and advancement isn’t very possible, not to mention I might have to go to school for a doctorate, but a master’s at least. That means I’ll spend more and more money and time digging myself into a career without a lot of excitement or opportunity. This kind of stuff weighs on my conscience. I’ve already changed my plans so many times, but now I’m having these same worries so I’m either wasting money on classes right now, or I might be wasting my life going into the wrong field. I don’t know.
So that was a little bit of a tangent, but that’s the fallout of not going abroad right now. But there is good that comes out of this as well. I get to save some money and it’s much easier to NOT go abroad, so I can collect my thoughts and resources more for next time. I also plan on going to China this summer, which means I can focus attention and finances on that instead. Regardless of what happens, I will find a way to go abroad, it’s just going to have to wait until next year.