To The Brim

I told some friends last night that this week hasn’t really been 7 different days, or 6 different days or whatever, it’s just felt like one continuous day that I happened to take 6-8 hour naps during. Ultimately, this week has been really weird for me. I’ve been on a roller coaster nearly every day, and I think I’ve experienced or more diverse and wide amount of emotions than I’ve ever felt in such a short span of time. I’ve so far been immensely sad, furiously mad, passionately in love, painstakingly anxious, awfully confused, enormously humorous, and probably more, but those are the big ones I want to talk about this time. In no particular order, I’ll now address why I’ve felt each of these emotions for different reasons.

Furiously Mad: I almost wrote a post about this, but I guess just typing how angry I was calmed me down, and I no longer felt the need to publish it, so I deleted it because I wasn’t sure what to write any more, and it might’ve been more provocative than I’d wanted it to be. So here’s a calm version of why I was angry. I’ve mentioned before that I hate it when people lie to me or are hypocrites, and that’s why I was angry. A teacher who I’ve trusted has made decisions that are contrary to what he’s said in the past, and what he’d said in the past was basically that he’d pick students for different things based on seniority and involvement for an activity, and strength of performance for a different activity. In the end though, he didn’t really follow his own words, and he picked his favorites, regardless of whether they met the qualifications or not. Now some people may read this and know what it’s about, but that’s okay. This is the way I feel, and some others feel, and there is plenty of reason. It isn’t unwarranted, but my next step is to let go of the anger and just suck it up and move on. Before seeing the results of either of them, I’d actually thought of what might happen if those results happened. It would allow me more time to do things I need/want to do, and that’s what I’m going to have to look for. Those silver linings.

Enormously Humorous: First off, I feel this pretty much every day, every week, but why not put it here to? I love to laugh and make other people laugh. This week I’ve done that primarily with funny internet videos and sharing them with a good friend. It included Jimmy Fallon with Bette Middler, Jenna Marbles’ “This Are This” and “Photo Booth Tag”, and what I think was a Vine of a baby falling under a mirror. Yesterday I watched a lot of funny videos with different friends too. It’s good to laugh, and there were definitely moments of laughter, even coming from my new binge show, “Buffy the Vampire Slayer.” I think Cordelia is a riot and a half, just because of how snobby she is. She’s just so funny!

Passionately in Love: Just a quick update, Carrie’s new music video for “Something in the Water” is out and it is perfection. I won’t explain why here, just watch it. I’ll link it below. On the subject of BTVS, I think this is one of the best shows that I’ve ever watched. I’m only on Season 2, Episode 15, and I started watching last Sunday. If anyone dares to say anything about what comes after that, I will kill them. Not really, but I will be thoroughly peeved. I’ve already watched it on Pivot out of order, so I already know an episode or two up to season 4, but still. I want to watch it authentically. Anyway, I love this show for many reasons. One is the acting is really great. I think all the characters are already well developed regardless of who they are, villain or hero, supporting or main. Can I just say I think Drusilla is my favorite villain thus far? Every character has so far displayed growth and reasonable motive and character. I appreciate that. My one question about the vampires is why they are fairly lame, just because you know, vampires are supposed to be super strong and fast. They don’t often show their super strength, and they aren’t very fast or agile. Even though vampire hunting isn’t really that original as an idea, they put a creative and original spin on it in numerous ways, like the slayer being a teenage girl going through high school, hiding from her mother, hunting more than vampires, maintaining a social life, struggling with duty and responsibility, etc. I could go more in depth about why I love the show, but I’ve spent this entire time not saying why I’ve felt passionately in love. I consider myself to be a romantic. If something can make me feel what the characters are feeling, then I say that’s the mark of a good show and good acting. The reason why I’ve felt passionately in love is because I’ve watched Buffy and Angel in their arch. Like, I LOVE THEM! I can’t lay a finger on it, but I guess I feel their true love. They’re perfect for each other, and despite the vampire/slayer thing, they’re awesome. They’re the original Edward and Bella, but they pull off the forbidden love and indulging in it anyway a thousand times better. Every time the two of them kiss, I get all fuzzy. Now for the next part.

Immensely Sad: ANGEL FREAKIN’ LOST HIS SOUL! HOW FREAKIN’ MESSED UP IS THAT?!?! I want to kill the creators. I thought it was bad when Buffy’s nightmare dad blamed the divorce on her. That was messed up. But when Angel loses his soul after experiencing true happiness, and then torments Buffy as Angelus, WHY CRUEL WORLD?!?! WHY?!?!?! I already explained how much I loved them together, and now they’re at odds and that makes me so sad. So incredibly sad. My heart was torn apart with Buffy’s. Ah, I won’t get over it. And what’s worse is, thanks to Pivot for playing the episodes out of order, I know what happens in the Season 2 finale, and I WILL CRY. Even though I know what happens in presumably season 3, I will still cry. THANKS A TON PIVOT FOR RUINING THIS FOR ME, BUT MAKING ME WATCH IT! GAHHHHH!!!!! Poor Buffy and Angel. That’s the only reason why I’ve felt sad this week, primarily last night, though again thanks to Pivot, I saw it coming because I already saw that episode. Okay, I’ve made my point. I love Buffy and Angel, and now Angel is a vampire again and he’s a total douchebag and I just want Angel back. Is that too much to ask? Don’t let me down rest-of-the-series.

Painstakingly Anxious: I’m anxious because of school right now. I took two days off for a college preview, which I’ll talk about in my next portion, but that means two days off of school. I have that makeup stuff to do. That meant submitting my assignment in on time after not being able to for two days, and finishing a theater class assignment that is long and tedious, and figuring out my school newspaper situation. I am a wreck this issue. I finally got one interview, but because I can’t interview just anybody due to story content, I’m really far behind because I have to get specific people to interview, and that puts me at the mercy of everyone else, and right now I’m suffering at their hands. I need interviews so bad so I can write my story, and I’m pretty sure this coming week is layout which means I’ll have to be working all the time which means less BTVS and more stress and GAH! The newspaper is kicking my butt right now, but I have no idea what to do about it. If anyone on the paper reads this, please help me by telling me what I need to do, or helping me do it, or something. Ack, I hate being so far behind because that affects everyone else too. Oy, the anxiety is a problem.

Awfully Confused: My last thing is about the college preview, which brings me back to last weeks(?) post about not knowing where to go or what to do. I thought I knew what I was going to do, because I couldn’t shake the feeling that I was supposed to go to Utah. Then I go on this college preview and really love it. I went to CCU, Colorado Christian University, and we toured campus, talked to department teachers, learned about the school, went to a male beauty pageant spent the night with a student in their dorm room, walked around Denver, and the like. They sold us hard on community and fellowship there, how every Freshman MUST live on campus, and has at least three other roommates, and these discipleship groups called D-groups and the like. I really felt the community, even though I didn’t talk to my host a ton, because I’m pretty shy around people I don’t know well. He was perfectly pleasant and talked to me a good amount throughout the night, but it wasn’t like we “bro’d out” or something. I still like him enough and the community feeling enough. It really through a monkey wrench in my plans, because if I had to make a decision today, I wouldn’t be able to. I thought I was for sure going to pick Weber before then, but now I see them as potentially equal. I’ll be going to Weber most likely next month, and if it doesn’t live up to the standard set by CCU, I may end up going to CCU. I like both places, but I still feel the calling to Weber, just now I feel a bit more called to CCU as well, partly out of obligation to all the people I met/talked to those two days. But if I go there, I miss out on what I feel I really want in Utah, maybe really need. I don’t know. I’m awfully confused. I guess I shouldn’t stress about it until I go to Ogden to see the college, so I can make an informed decision. Maybe I’m worrying about nothing.

So that’s why this week I’m filled to the brim. I’ve been on a whacky roller coaster of emotion this week, and it’s got me all out of whack. Thanks for reading. It was fun and a bit of a relief. Phew, I feel a little better already. Seriously, hit me up if you have watched BTVS. IT’S SO GOOD!!!!

Here’s the new video. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mH9kYn4L8TI

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