What I Want Out of Life

I’ve been feeling a little down recently, and I’ve been asked this question before, though usually instead of life, it’s what I want from a specific person. So, I decided to write a general “hand guide” if you will to what I really desire from life right now, and very little, if any, is material possessions. So here it goes, but prepare for corniness and mushy feeling stuff, and I apologize to any people who think this is a giant whine.

As of April 18th, written 9 days ago, this is my list of immediate things I want in life, things that I would make happen if I had the magic power to snap my fingers and make whatever I wanted come true.

  • A group of friends I feel valued in at school. I have one or two people outside of school who I feel valued by plus some people in my youth group, though for everybody’s sake, I’ll spare names. However, currently the one thing keeping me tied to where I am in my current friend group, is the fact that I have nowhere else to really go, and any attention is generally better than nothing.
  • People to talk to me, message me, text me, call me, contact me in any way on their own initiative. For as long as I could remember, it was always me who organized “play dates”, and now if I don’t start a conversation, I don’t converse, pretty much as simple as that. Maybe it’s something about me, or something I said or do, but nobody has told me that, so for now I’ll assume I’m just not somebody people want to really talk to. There are a few exceptions, but aside from those, this is my reality.
  • A best friend I can talk to when I’m down and get comfort from. In times exactly like this one, I just wish there was somebody that would let me vent to them without me feeling ashamed.
  • A family I don’t feel isolated from. This one is mostly on me of course, and I pray for this, but so far I haven’t had a ton of success. The only person I talk to is my dad for a multitude of reasons, and everyone else just keeps scratching at wounds that I try to heal and it just ends up worse, so now when I’m at home I feel isolated even with four people in the house usually.
  • Christ to help me get through this, to heal and strengthen me. It’s very difficult for me to completely surrender to somebody who isn’t physically there for me, even though I know that he will catch me when I fall in some way. It’s difficult to let go of control of my life, especially in a culture that so heavily features taking control of your own destiny. I feel like I know what Christ has called me to do for him, which I plan to do, but on everything else, I’m just sort of lost and I need Christ to show himself to me, and I need to follow with all my heart, no matter the cost.
  • Anyone to talk to who doesn’t mind rants and mushy feeling crap that also won’t abuse that trust.
  • People to know the little things about me and all the pointless stuff. My favorite color, food, season, etc. My fears, my thought processes, my faith, everything. I want somebody to know me inside and out (aside from the Lord), and also somebody who will show me themselves inside and out.

Now, for what I want out of my future, which becomes a little more materialistic, but still. This is generally a future from tomorrow until the day I die, this is what I want to have achieved by the end of my life, and not in a Bucket List sort of way.

  • A wife and four children. I’ve had names chosen for a while, which may change, but if I were to have kids now (which I don’t want at all right now), I’d name the two boys Caleb and Emmett, and the two girls Mikaela and Stephanie. They aren’t named after anyone, I just like those names a lot.
  • If I had my way, I’d like to live in New Zealand or somewhere in Europe. In Europe it would be a toss between Germany, France, and England. Those places are so rich in history and culture that I just can’t get away from, and if I don’t end up living there, I sure as heck want to visit for a long time. New Zealand is my dream home. It has a population of English speakers, tropical climate, mountains, awesome tourist sites, just everything I could ask for.
  • I’d be a successful published author. Like I said, I’m currently writing four books and a play, with many more in conception. My dream is to be the next J.K. Rowling or Suzanne Collins, or any of those massively successful authors.
  • I also really want to go into film production, direction, acting, the whole lot. This ties in for me around my books, as ultimately I’d like to see my books become movies and I’d direct or produce them, or something more in depth than simply writing the source material.
  • See if I can make a friendship that will last until I (or they) die. It gets less and less difficult as the years go on, but then again keeping in touch with people gets a bit harder the farther into life you go. Oh well, I won’t find this out till the day I die, so good luck to me.
  • Lead people everywhere to Christ. If I can lead one person successfully to the one, true Christ, I’d die feeling accomplished. I know it isn’t me technically who leads people to Christ, but through me that Christ brings people to him. I want to see more than one, which is why I plan to do some missionary work, but even one person makes a world of difference.
  • Speaking of missionary work, I want to travel the world. On my actual bucket list is to visit every city in the world, but that is incredibly difficult and expensive, so I’ll settle for just seeing as much of it as I can see.
  • To set a good example and be a role model. When I pass, and even while I’m living, I want people who are close to me to feel like I lived a good life, was a good friend/father/whatever. If I do end up becoming a successful author or film producer or something, I would like to keep character, be the kind of person history remembers as a positive influence on people.
  • I’d like to live a very wealthy life, and give  the stuff I didn’t need to charities and family and such. Granted I would like some extravagance, but no private jets and all that unnecessary stuff. A big house with dogs and land and all that stuff, the 50s dream home sort of thing. Wealthy, but not filthy rich.
  • Experience nature. As in one of my former posts, nature is beautiful. Sunrises and sunsets are pure magic. Waterfalls and forests and mountains are majestic. Wide open plains beneath a blue sky is incredible. I want to experience as much of it as I can.
  • Explore myself. When I die, I’d like to know exactly who I am and be completely confident in what I’d done. I want to find new things that I’ve never tried, carpe diem right? See who Christ really meant for me to be.
  • And lastly, I want to live life like I was dying to quote a country song by I can’t remember who, but I want to sayTim McGraw, but I could be way off. I want to cherish every moment and person and curveball that comes my way. There are numerous quotes for this. “Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift, that is why it is called the present.” ~Master Oogway from Kung Fu Panda, and probably other people too. Every day is a blessing from God, and every day deserves to be experienced as such.

So, there is my general life situation and where I want to be in the future. Sorry for anybody who thinks I am a big whiner, but if anybody has any advice for me, wants to help me, or anything, let me know. I love talking to people (if you can’t already tell), and even if you’re some stranger on the internet, comment something. I’d love to hear from people. Anyway, thanks for reading and God Bless your week.

 

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